"Life is complex...But if I tell you that when I lost my way, I found it again by following the moss growing on the north side of trees, I will almost certainly have to warn you that in the redwood forests there are many trees covered with moss on all sides...I hope you will abandon the urge to simplify everything...[and] appreciate the fact that life is complex."
--M. Scott Peck, M.D., Further Along the Road Less Traveled
During the final years of my first marriage, which ultimately died and ended in divorce, one of the most difficult things I had to face in myself was the fact that I had for so long made excuses, rationalized, provided (weak) explanations, covered up, and in many other ways pretended...until I couldn't hold the facade together anymore. It was a shock to me when, unable to hold the mask up any longer, I began to tell the truth, and then discovered how many people had seen the truth long before I did.
The fact that I could not or would not face the truth and, therefore, could not or would not see the truth, shook me to the core and still affects me today. It shook my confidence in my ability to see things as they really are. Life has become much more complex to me since my divorce and since I've gotten older. I am less sure of more things...more sure of a few things.
There have been too many times in my life now when I have made judgements about others only to discover how terribly misguided my judgements were. There have been too many times in my life now when I was positive I was seeing clearly, only to discover I wasn't seeing clearly at all. There have been too many times now in my life when I've lost hope, only to see the impossible happen right before my eyes. I've been dogmatic about beliefs that now 20...30...40 years later, I've given up altogether.
Now in my fifties, dealing with new challenges...aging, relationships that I thought would last forever, now gone...I am less sure about many, many things...and yet, more sure about a few things than ever before.
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