With Christmas past and the intensity of the holiday season over, I went into recovery mode and, other than going to work each day, I gave myself time to coast for a little while and to retreat. In the evenings I worked on the puzzle that Danny gave me for Christmas and I took my time putting away the decorations and cleaning up the house. It felt like the necessary antidote and prescription for the toll that the preceding weeks had taken.
After spending one of those very quiet days in the house all day, I did venture out one evening after dark to make a specific purchase being careful to avoid the busiest stores filled with all those people eager to return their Christmas gifts for something better or at least something that fit. My plan was to enter the store, make my purchase, and escape back to the safety of home as quickly as possible, but as I stood in line for the cashier, someone I had been close to more than ten years before appeared and joined the cue. It was good to see him and we caught up briefly. How was your Christmas? Did you get to see your family? Yes, I'm trying to recover now too.
After spending one of those very quiet days in the house all day, I did venture out one evening after dark to make a specific purchase being careful to avoid the busiest stores filled with all those people eager to return their Christmas gifts for something better or at least something that fit. My plan was to enter the store, make my purchase, and escape back to the safety of home as quickly as possible, but as I stood in line for the cashier, someone I had been close to more than ten years before appeared and joined the cue. It was good to see him and we caught up briefly. How was your Christmas? Did you get to see your family? Yes, I'm trying to recover now too.
We had run into each other a number of times before over the last ten years but we hadn't really had much conversation beyond the courtesies and as we walked out of the store and prepared to say polite goodbyes, I wondered if I should continue the conversation. Maybe he was in a hurry to get home? I tried to read the cues and then a question was asked that opened the door to more than a polite goodbye, see you in another decade or two.
It turned out that we stood underneath the parking lot lights and talked for a long time and it seemed impossible that a decade had really gone by. It was one of those conversations that goes beyond words and catching up on the news of each others lives and ends up being something that comforts and reassures and brings the satisfaction that we're almost always longing for in our interactions with other human beings. Things have happened over these past years, do you understand? Do I dare tell you what I really think and feel?
Somehow, despite the years between, I knew again that we were friends. I'm not even sure what indications were actually given that safety and understanding were being offered, but my heart knew. When I arrived home and recounted the experience to Ruben, the safety and understanding spread to him as well and it led to more conversation that brought about even more comfort and reassurance and I told him how I want to be able to offer that to people, to be able to encounter them even after the years have gone by and things have changed and they have changed and just allow them to be who they have become, to say what they have experienced, to feel differently than they did before, and to communicate that It's ok, I accept you as you are and as you have become. It's ok that life has changed what you think and feel. It's good to talk to you and to hear how you are and I wish you well. May you truly have a happy new year.
It turned out that we stood underneath the parking lot lights and talked for a long time and it seemed impossible that a decade had really gone by. It was one of those conversations that goes beyond words and catching up on the news of each others lives and ends up being something that comforts and reassures and brings the satisfaction that we're almost always longing for in our interactions with other human beings. Things have happened over these past years, do you understand? Do I dare tell you what I really think and feel?
Somehow, despite the years between, I knew again that we were friends. I'm not even sure what indications were actually given that safety and understanding were being offered, but my heart knew. When I arrived home and recounted the experience to Ruben, the safety and understanding spread to him as well and it led to more conversation that brought about even more comfort and reassurance and I told him how I want to be able to offer that to people, to be able to encounter them even after the years have gone by and things have changed and they have changed and just allow them to be who they have become, to say what they have experienced, to feel differently than they did before, and to communicate that It's ok, I accept you as you are and as you have become. It's ok that life has changed what you think and feel. It's good to talk to you and to hear how you are and I wish you well. May you truly have a happy new year.
